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FREE BOOK ⚻ Witch Song ⚣ A young witch Her loyal guardian And an evil that has driven all the witches into hiding.The hunters capture witches and bring them to their mistress, the dark witch She steals their nature magic, twisting it to bring about wicked storms, choking droughts, and drowning fog that has brought the world to its knees.When those hunters penetrate Brusenna s protected forest, she realizes an impossible truth she is the last witch.But Brusenna is not completely without friends Her handsome guardian, Joshen, will stop at nothing to keep her safe and prove his love.With the witch hunters closing in, Brusenna and Joshen set out on an epic, dangerous journey to free the other witches and defeat the dark witch If they fail, there won t be anything left to save.Can Brusenna save her fellow witches and defeat the dark magic Will she and her guardian find their happily ever after Download Witch Song by Amber Argyle to find out In WITCH SONG, Amber Argyle makes a riveting debut, creating a fresh new world full of wonder, peril, and splendor I found WITCH SONG to be positively engrossing from the first page to the last David Farland, NYT Bestselling Author These witches can control nature, which is cool and to be expected with a witchy pagan tale But it s how they do it that wasn t my fav They sing and throw seeds Every spell requires they sing a cutesy little rhyme, and they have to be pitch perfect When Brusenna is sing fighting at her enemies, it seems so hokey, I cringed every time My main problem with this book was the villains were shallow Too many punches were pulled And the romance was juvenile, which would ve been okay, had it not ended in an engagement It felt inappropriate to me.There was something very rote and dry and about the writing I couldn t feel the author s joy or enthusiasm in the story she was telling me It was like cake without the frosting Or salad without the dressing A knee without cartilage Or a painting that only manages to convey a recognizable image, but it doesn t make you feel anything Not my cup of tea. Well, I think it s fabulous But I wrote it. I m small and plain Desni shot her a look of disbelief You re a beautiful girl, Senna More so because of how rare your features are Those golden eyes But when compared to someone like Ciara You compare diamonds to rubies Rubies may be a bit flashy, but diamonds are made of tougher stuff and are rare Yeah, it s that type of book, y all.Allow me share with you a stanza from one of my favorite songs Well let me tell you bout the way she lookedThe way she d act and the colour of her hairHer voice was soft and coolHer eyes were clear and brightBut she s not there lyrics from The Zombies She s Not There Look at the cover for this book It s a beautiful one, as are the lyrics above, and both tells you so much about this book.You see a girl, an absolutely stunning young woman, barely past the cusp of puberty Innocence and naivet shines from her eyes, purity glistens off her rose tinted lips Her cheeks are dusted pink with the breath of angels.This young Witch is as beautiful, as golden fair as the last kisses of sunlight on the horizon at dusk Her enormous doe eyes are wide open, limpid withblank incomprehension.And there s absolutely nothing to her than that.WE RE WITCHES, BITCHES Brusenna and her mother are the dumbest witches who ever lived Her mother has a condition that many mothers in literature suffer It is called lol i ain t telling u nothin bitch itis Lol i ain t telling u nothin bitch itis symptoms may include not telling you daughter a single fucking thing about who she is despite the fact that the Big Terrible Secret might kill her keeping everything a secret like your life depends on itoh wait, your life DOES depend on it ignorance is bliss because if your daughter doesn t know that there are people out to kill her, it means she s totally fucking safe, right keeping yourself holed up in a hollow where nobody can see you in order to disguise the fact that you are witches and pulling that Mary Mary Quite Contrary verdant garden growing shit when the rest of the country is suffering from a horrible drought because that shit ain t obvious at all being the worst secret keeper ever because your daughter accidentally overhears you talking about a Big Terrible Secret because you won t keep your fucking voice down to a whisper when talking about your Big Terrible Secret with Super Secret Witch Friend running the fuck away without telling your 14 year old YES, 14 YEARS OLD daughter anything besides the fact that she should run in case people come after her, because that works every time, right If you or someone you know suffer from these symptoms, it is possible that you may have lol i ain t telling u nothin bitch itis Please contact the local executioner so that they can remove your defective fucking DNA from the human gene pool Or rather, witch gene pool Do Not Judge a Witch Until You ve Walked 1000 Fucking Miles in Her Shoes Anyway, Brusenna is in danger GRAVE DANGER She travels all around the country.That s it You might as well read the fucking Hobbit because this book is composed of um, traveling, and getting caught, then traveling some , then getting caught, then traveling some , and then, oh, we re actually stopping for 5 minutes to live with some frog dude, and then traveling some , and then getting caught.Did I mention that they travel a lot, and they get caught a lot Because that s THE EXTENT OF THIS ENTIRE FUCKING BOOK NOTHING HAPPENS This book might as well be a travel brochure for the country of Nefarie and Tartan.Yes, Nefarie and Tartan Countries in this book.The Writing Fucking terrible This book is just so juvenile The writing is suffers from a severe case of telling, not showing, and the writing is suited to a children s book than a YA audience because it is so emotionless, so staccato The descriptions leave me absolutely cold He was tall head and shoulders taller than her Thin, but in a strong way He had a crop of brown hair that hung low over his forehead His legs bowed out at the knees probably from riding so much He had a permanent wrinkle around his eyes, as if he never stopped smiling long enough for the lines to smooth out He was smiling at her now Oh, oh, my My panties are getting so wet Such handsome looks Oh, my feels They are just all over the place Not.Magic Must Rhyme Yes, it s that type of magic There is no training for Brusenna s magical use within the book Senna practices by singing And it is only a practice in telling, not showing, because a year goes by and WHOO BRUSENNA IS MAGICALLY STRONGER How the FUCK Where s all the hard work The magical setting in this book is laughable.There is no system for the magic in the book besides the fact that you re born with it And apparently, if it rhymes, it works Whoooooooo Oh, Sister Sea Plants, I ask of thee,Take me to the place none but Witches see For fuck s sakes The rhymes in this book, the magic shit is so utterly laughable Brusenna is a witch that sings, her power comes from songs, she can control the plants for no fucking reason at all Corn, stop the men who hold me tight,Bind them though they fight She has the power to sing to the plants and to nature, to bend them to her will And the poems the spellsthey are just terrible, laughable ones Plants of the forest, make a path for me,For through this forest I must flee.After I pass, hide my trail,For an enemy I must quell Deus ex fucking Machina And naturally, this use of magic means that deus ex fucking machina is rampant throughout the book.They get captured They escape They get captured AGAIN They escape They get captured YET AGAIN They escape Plants, with strength and swiftness, come to me,For with my companions I must flee Whenever you re in danger of death, torture, or whatever shit that might wrinkle Brusenna s pretty little forehead, MAGIC TO THE FUCKING RESCUE Fucking spare me, please Senna is the Name of a Laxative It really is And it s rather fitting that she is named after a plant with laxative properties, because Brusenna, her personality and her character is full of shit.She is beautiful, without knowing it He saw a face set against a dark cloak Wisps of blonde hair, wavy from the moist air, fell across her breast Her lips were full The book takes every fucking opportunity to remind us that Senna is so diminutive in stature, so small, so delicate Before she could change her mind, she snatched her wrap from its hook and flung it around her narrow shoulders Her small hands, her tiny hands Her straw colored hair Her odd colored eyes So ugly, right Not.Senna is not a fucking warrior, she is a magical Barbie doll.She is magical, without knowing it She is born to be strong She has innate magical powers I ve heard her When she s fully come into her own, I wouldn t doubt she ll be at least a Level Four She is a rare witch, the last of her kind My guess is you might be the only Witch left Brusenna the Blushing Badass, Senna is not Senna is so completely childish She starts off the book at 14, and she matures to 17 before the book is through, but believe me when I say she feels like a very immature 12 year old She stammers She blushes She flushes Her heart beats pitter patter Her heart skips a beat The blood rushes to her cheeks She can t bear her emooooooootions, maaaaaaan The blood drained from Senna s face She blushed Her hands were shaking too badly her voice shaking with desperate hope and fear A tremor shook her to her bones Tears slipped from her eyes faster than she could wipe them.Oh, the tears Save us from hysterical females Brusenna cries a motherfucking river Brusenna sank to the floor, buried her face in her quilt and sobbed Senna s sobs increased She took a strangled, gasping breath and then a sob finally tore free.Just stop Stop.Senna is some bark, no bite And it ain t exactly the bark of a big, rough bitch see what I did there , like the yipping of the tiny useless ankle nipping fucking chihuahua down the street that you secretly long to punt into the nearest hot dog bun to see whether it fits.Animal fans, please don t hate me for that simile.She is indecisive She has no action plan Joshen lowered his voice Then how ll you find it I ll find it, she assured him Oh, WELL THAT EXPLAINS A LOT You re just going to magically find it, eh Spare us from your motherfucking feelings and instints She didn t know how to explain it, but the song felt right Overall Trust me, I have a whole lot complaints, but I ll keep it short because this review is getting way too fucking long The plot is boring as fuck The characters are dumb as fuck The romance is nonexistent, but it s of the WAAAAAAAAH I LOVE YOU BUT WE CAN T BE TOGETHER BECAUSE EVERYONE I LOVE DIES GO, GO, DEAR HEART I WILL GAZE AT YOU LONGINGLY FROM AFAR 1 1 Mwah mwah mwaaaaah gag They escape from so many fucking instances of capture because they are followed by two of the most incompetent fucking witch hunters who ever walked the Earth The two men Garg and Wardof are straight out of Monty Python in their incompetency Bringing his bruised face closer, Wardof beckoned Garg toward him You wanna do something to stop me, you dull, fat, laughable excuse for Espen s Servant The plot is ludicrous The two Brusenna and love interest Joshen don t know the meaning of subtlety if it danced in front of them wearing pink tasseled pasties and a strap on dildo They don t know how to disguise their tracks at all, WHICH IS WHY THEY KEEP GETTING CAPTURED.Motherfucking idiots. Okay, so first things first I have to share a grievance that I experienced just to get this all off of my chest I had already written quite a long review for this book and for two others, as well Now, my dear Goodreaders for the sake of my anguish over all of this I m going to assume that all of you are wondering, well what happened then, Cait Well, my friends, my computer decided to be a prick and randomly turned off in the middle of finishing typing up my last review, so if you still aren t connecting the dots, they are all..all gone hangs head and now, I have to re write them all Sigh I m not exactly happy about it, but here goes my re write of this review hopefully it s as good as the previous one Now I know I m in a bit of a minority here with this book with the average rating being 4.26, which is very high for this site and almost no reviews that I could see were under four stars but I didn t find this book all that special or even super enjoyable Sure, there were things that I thought Argyle did well in this series, but it just wasn t enough for me to give it higher than three stars, and here s why Brusenna, the main character of this book, was quite the annoying hypocrite for well over half of the book She is so upset at her mother for hiding things from her and alienating people that could have helped them, mostly because of pride So you would think that, when a situation arises where she has the opportunity to befriend someone or not be so secretive, she would grab at the chance to do so, but she doesn t Instead, she does the one thing that she seems to hate so much, and pushes away people who are just trying to help her even doing it over four times to the same person I will talk about this specific case later in the review Then there was something even infuriating every time she sends someone away, she wails, don t hate me, I can t lose you as a friend, too I don t have many image error