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{Read E-pub} ì The Corrections Í Winner of the National Book Award for FictionNominated for the National Book Critics Circle AwardAn American Library Association Notable BookJonathan Franzen s third novel, The Corrections, is a great work of art and a grandly entertaining overture to our new century a bold, comic, tragic, deeply moving family drama that stretches from the Midwest at mid century to Wall S A friend once told me that Jonathan Franzen has been quoted as saying he deliberately rips off influential late century American authors such as Pynchon, DeLillo and Roth, but tries to make the prose less difficult,easily consumed Leaving aside for a moment the irony of that statement in light of his outrage over the Oprah thing, that is stupid Those authors are not great because their writing is accessible when the complexity is removed.It was when one of the main characters in The Corr A friend once told me that Jonathan Franzen has been quoted as saying he deliberately rips off influential late century American authors such as Pynchon, DeLillo and Roth, but tries to make the prose less difficult,easily consumed Leaving aside for a moment the irony of that statement in light of his outrage over the Oprah thing, that is stupid Those authors are not great because their writing is accessible when the complexity is removed.It was when one of the main characters in The Corrections was talking to a hallucinated turd that I thought, I should just put this down and take a stab at Against the Day, or re read Gravity s Rainbow where a literal shit scene can actually be hilarious and fascinating.In addition to weak pynchonian characters human and fecal , this novel suffers from a lack of strict editing too many peripheral characters, too many inconsequential sub sub subplots , from unsympathetic characters I don t really know what the point is if everyone is horrible and always has and always will hate or be spiteful to everyone around them , from an inconsistent, sudden ending last chapter no one will ever change epilogue everyone changed and is now charitable of heart , from an irritatingly rendered main theme we all try to CORRECT ourselves and one another but we are ultimately unable , and from its own determined effort to be Epic even a glowing review I found of this book said Franzen might as well have called it American Something he compares one of the settings to the rest of the country in the first paragraph, for god s sake.The misery of aging theme was effective, and I appreciated the exploration of a marriage that was bad for nocomplicated a reason than that the husband and wife weren t right for one another Otherwise I had no use for Franzen and his truckloads of loathing I wrote this review in 2007 and no longer recall being given this quote It s been rightly pointed out since that I shouldn t have used it without a citation and should have been skeptical about its authenticity But this book still sucks July 2012Facts concerning Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections Print runs of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections are believed to be the largest in recorded history Although no reliable count exists, experts believe that the number of printed copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections runs into the hundreds of millions in the United States alone, with perhapsthan one billion copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections in existence worldwide Jonathan Franzen s nove July 2012Facts concerning Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections Print runs of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections are believed to be the largest in recorded history Although no reliable count exists, experts believe that the number of printed copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections runs into the hundreds of millions in the United States alone, with perhapsthan one billion copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections in existence worldwide Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections was expected to be the Next Big Thing, but buyers became bored when they realized the book couldn t be tickled like Elmo, or fed like a Tamagotchi, or collected like Beanie Babies The unprecedented print run, as well as low sale numbers and high return rates, led to overcrowding Some bookstores resorted to giving away copies for free, but recipients usually passed them on to unsuspecting friends, like fruitcake By 2004, it is believed that every used bookstore in the continental United States contained at least two dozen copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections on its shelves However, according to rumor, for every copy of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections you can see, tenare hiding inside the walls or beneath the floorboards Professional ex libris terminators worry that the infestation has spread from used bookstores to private homes In fact, you may have several copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections on your bookshelves RIGHT NOW, and you may not even know it In 2006, several bookstores along the East Coast and in and around Portland, OR, were found to contain nothing but copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections, lying in their own filth in crowded stacks and boxes Following this discovery, Congress passed legislation mandating population controls for Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections According to regulations, copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections may not outnumber other books that are not Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections bythan 2 to 1 This keeps the copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections from becoming too self conscious However, overcrowding persists, and some bookstores have been forced to destroy entire stacks of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections to make room for books that are not Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections To escape this fate, some of theclever copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections have taken to disguising themselves as books in Tim LaHaye s and Jerry B Jenkins Left Behind series Few manage to find good homes Some bolder, braver copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections occasionally venture forth into the Ts, to hide among Tolstoy and Trollope, but are usually ambushed by gangs of Edith Wharton novels and never seen again Sadly, due to gridlock in the current session of Congress, no action has been taken lately, causing tens of millions of copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections to be rounded up and destroyed in the last two years Although the world of books has developed many religious beliefs regarding what will happen in the after livre, Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections remains firmly agnostic This is just as well, since all pulped and recycled copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections are eventually reincarnated as copies of Jonathan Franzen s novel Freedom A friend gave me Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections a few years ago hers had had a litter of baby Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections, free to a good home , and I ve had it burrowed in the shelves ever since Finally took steps to get rid of the infestation, but I decided to read it first And now it s time to put Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections out of its misery Its characters range from dull to awful, the story takes way too long to go nowhere, and yet the writing the goddamn writing is damn fucking good Jonathan Franzen can craft a delicious sentence, I ll grant him that But I had little desire to read this book and I have no desire to read his others, so I m going to box up this copy of Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections, drop it at the back door of the nearest thrift store, and run like hell Goodbye, little Jonathan Franzen s novel The Corrections I hope you find a good home.Now if you ll excuse me, Edith Wharton awaits 4 19 17 update I appreciate that so many people have liked this review and or commented on it, whether we agree or not Please know that I will not be interacting with any comments as I remember almost nothing about this novel other than the repulsion I felt toward it I cannot add anything worthwhile to a discussion or engage in any intelligent discourse unless I read it again which I think we all know I am not going to do That being said, anyone using the comments section to make a per 4 19 17 update I appreciate that so many people have liked this review and or commented on it, whether we agree or not Please know that I will not be interacting with any comments as I remember almost nothing about this novel other than the repulsion I felt toward it I cannot add anything worthwhile to a discussion or engage in any intelligent discourse unless I read it again which I think we all know I am not going to do That being said, anyone using the comments section to make a personal attack on my character or ability as a reader a decade ago, mind you , will have their comment deleted Kindly agree to disagree and move along A seemingly unending stream of word vomit.I can think of no other way to describe this thing.I really, really despised almost everything about The Corrections I finished it solely so that I could write a horrible review and have it be valid.At no single point before the last 10 pages of this 566 page monster did I feel a shred of sympathy with any of the characters There were several moments where I thought Franzen would have been better off writing dialogue for the average Joe instead of the trumped up and out of place Dawson s Creek esque vocabulary in almost every human interaction His insistence on using the 25 cent word at every turn made reading the story choppy at best aggravating and unenjoyable.I also couldn t help but see the author in a lot of his characters worst personality traits Annoying hipster lecher I m better than capitalism but still depend on it Chip Whiny too good for anyone Gary Ungrateful I m a bitch but require all your love and attention Denise The parents Alfred is the only one for whom I felt any sympathy and that didn t happen until the last dregs of the book and I think maybe even then it was a knee jerk reaction at being so close to the book being over Enid s issues rubbed me the wrong way for many reasons, not the least of which being that I could see my own mother in her which means, I suppose, that Enid was probably the most well represented character in the novel.The secondary characters were almost entirely a sorry lot with personalities to the extreme in any number of directions too smart, too stupid, too needy, too plain, too EVERYTHING.I know that I ll never understand the praise this book received from critics and readers and I m ok with that I do wish, however, that I could meet some of the people who relate it so easily to real life Meeting them, perhaps, would truly terrify me While reading The Corrections I really understood the meaning of schadenfreude because I despised almost every character in this book so much that themiserable their lives got, theenjoyment I took from it And when a shotgun was introduced late in the novel, I read the rest of it with my fingers crossed while muttering Please please please please please please in the hope that at least one of those pitiful shits would end up taking a load of buckshot to the face.The Lambert s While reading The Corrections I really understood the meaning of schadenfreude because I despised almost every character in this book so much that themiserable their lives got, theenjoyment I took from it And when a shotgun was introduced late in the novel, I read the rest of it with my fingers crossed while muttering Please please please please please please in the hope that at least one of those pitiful shits would end up taking a load of buckshot to the face.The Lambert s are a Midwestern family, and while the grown children have all moved to Philadelphia and New York, the parents have remained in St Jude The father, Alfred, was a workaholic middle manager for a railroad and he s the kind of joyless repressed bastard that considered all pleasures frivolous and taking a coffee break as a massive character flaw Now retired, he s suffering from Parkinson s and dementia He deserves it.Enid is the mother Seriously, Franzen Enid I ve lived in the Midwest all my life and have never met an Enid I know you were making a point on how square the old school Midwesterners are, but that s pushing it She s a delusional nagging harpy from hell who aims her passive aggressive attacks at whichever family member has recently burst the bubble of whatever fantasy she is currently clinging to Through most of the book, Enid has her heart set on one last family Christmas at the house in St Jude, and the evil bitch will stop at nothing to get it.Gary is the oldest and a successful investment adviser in Philly, but he married a woman who wants all ties severed with his family and has a special way of getting his sons to join her in her efforts Torn between trying to placate his wife and his mother while letting their denials of reality make him crazy and trying to be the responsible one , Gary is running himself ragged to avoid admitting that he s depressed Someone should pimp slap him so hard that his fillings fly out of his teeth.Chip, the middle son, is a waste of skin with a special talent for self destruction He torched his academic career as a professor just as he was about to get tenure by having an affair with a student and then becoming obsessed with her He s now a mooch in New York working on a screenplay so horrible that it d make a Michael Bay movie look good by comparison He s also the kind of douche bag who thinks that getting rivets put in his ears and wearing leather pants is cool even though he s over thirty.Denise is the one character that I actually had some sympathy for A daddy s girl who adopted Alfred s work ethic, she s a successful chef of an upscale restaurant, but she s also got a messy personal life, including trying to figure out her sexuality At least she s the one member of this dysfunctional hellspawned family that knows she has issues and tries not to deceive herself anythan most people do.The weird thing is that even though I loathed the Lamberts and almost every supporting character, too, that I actually enjoyed this book I usually can t stand stories where all the characters problems are self inflicted emotional wounds due to a basic refusal to admit and face reality However, I have to admit that I found this compelling reading Maybe I was into it for all the wrong reasons Namely, that I hated the Lamberts so much that their continued suffering brought sweet tears of joy to my eyes That s probably not what Franzen intended, but he had to create some incredibly vivid characters and do justice to their pathetic lives to make me hate them so very, very much