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I can honestly say I have not had any of the conflicts as described in this book, but maybe I was very lucky in my in laws Lucky also to have a sensible husband I was gifted a copy of this book for an unbiased review, or I d probably not have read it I also had not read the previous book on this topic I was aware of course that some people do struggle under sticky issues with relatives and in laws The case histories related here opened my eyes to a world of needy, clingy, self obsessed peop I can honestly say I have not had any of the conflicts as described in this book, but maybe I was very lucky in my in laws Lucky also to have a sensible husband I was gifted a copy of this book for an unbiased review, or I d probably not have read it I also had not read the previous book on this topic I was aware of course that some people do struggle under sticky issues with relatives and in laws The case histories related here opened my eyes to a world of needy, clingy, self obsessed people Mothers in law wonder why they don t get to see the grandchildren Daughters in law wonder why their husband s mother keeps undermining their household routine On the surface these are simple matters but what are the underlying causes Insecurity Control freakery Spite, fear, loneliness, simple miscommunication The author has an MSc in psychology and a PhD in psychobiological anthropology, and being female, of course she focuses on the female half of family relationships She counsels people in difficulties and has probably saved some marriages I know that when someone has an on going, mystifying or unfamiliar life problem, just reading about similar people with similar issues can be hugely helpful Explanations exist, issues can be talked out or solutions worked through with or without professional help You won t be the first person in this position, nor the last.The tales can be usefully applied to other situations outside the family For instance there is a helpful section on recognising passive aggressive behaviour I thought the author was too kind when she said that this is a subtle way of being unapproving sometimes in my experience it is pure intentional spite To me it seems that mature women have too few other concerns if they are obsessing about how the grandchildren are being reared and whether their sons still love them The ladies may have a point, but if they go and take a degree or work on community poverty alleviation they won t need to visit or phone their children daily And wouldn t a weekly Skype call do instead of visits I thought that unlike in the book, most couples do consider early and jointly where they will spend special holidays Christmas usually in Ireland where I live Some will decide in advance to spend each year with alternate in law families Others will invite their parents to their new home And others will decide that the first Christmas they spend together will be just the two of them, off skiing if needs be Maybe Irish people aresensible I would have added a few topics, which may have been covered in an earlier book In my experience they are hugely important parts of family dynamics Children These are the most important people in a family They are not much mentioned except as a bone of contention and with a too brief reminder that children learn how to treat parents by example Businesswomen How much time you have and whether the children are in day care makes a huge difference to the time you spend with other family members Earning money is hard and takes a lot of time and mental energy.Illness and old age Aside from the guilt issues mentioned, we don t hear about a senior needing care As educated working women marry later, they will have completed the break with parents and approach caring for someone as an adult The women in the family always get the job of caring for any older women, even if these are not their own parents A lady with sons should realise this and get on with her daughters in law, if she is lucky enough to have them Death Again, the women in the family usually make arrangements for hospice care, funerals, graves and sorting disposing of the effects of senior family members Be kind to your children, their spouses and your grandchildren If you are lucky enough to have them Divorce Marriages fall through for all kinds of reasons and a mother in law can be left in limbo, with grandchildren whom she wants to see and thus a daughter out law whom she needs to see but without wanting to ruin her loyal relationship to her son If any of the issues raised by this book concern you, grab the book There are real life examples, helpful advice, handy work notes and witty cartoons Otherwise, I can easily see Reluctantly Related Revisited being a source of fascination and inspiration to authors of romance, women s fiction and crime I learned a lot from this book and recommend it to anyone who is a mother in law or daughter in law Helps you get perspective on how misunderstandings are perpetuated in relationships Author helped me see that just because my intentions are well meant they may not be received well I need to askquestions and not just assume I am helping, be careful about offering help It can be seen as indicating I think my daughter in law is not capable, which is SO far from the truth Do not take thin I learned a lot from this book and recommend it to anyone who is a mother in law or daughter in law Helps you get perspective on how misunderstandings are perpetuated in relationships Author helped me see that just because my intentions are well meant they may not be received well I need to askquestions and not just assume I am helping, be careful about offering help It can be seen as indicating I think my daughter in law is not capable, which is SO far from the truth Do not take things so personally and do not nurse grudges and hurts Most of all respect the boundary of the couple s marriage and family As someone who has datedthan one guy with a difficult mother, I welcomed the opportunity to read this book There was some good food for thought in here, as there is no other relationship quite like that of the MIL and DIL, and the author also helped to explain the role of the FIL, and the conflict that the son husband can feel as he wants to make his mother and wife both happy I ve not read the first book, but this book is a decent read in itself, and not too long The author also puts i As someone who has datedthan one guy with a difficult mother, I welcomed the opportunity to read this book There was some good food for thought in here, as there is no other relationship quite like that of the MIL and DIL, and the author also helped to explain the role of the FIL, and the conflict that the son husband can feel as he wants to make his mother and wife both happy I ve not read the first book, but this book is a decent read in itself, and not too long The author also puts in tips and strategies for dealing with, and solving various issues that can happen from a DIL or a MIL, and much of this advice can also be applied to other situations The best in law book of the 4 or so I have read Gives a lot of practical advice and steps to dealing with your mother in law type Also gives you a common language to use when talking to your husband about his mother, and externalities the problem a bit This book was very helpful for me to see what daughter in law type I am and how I am also contributing to the problems, particularly my own mother issues. Insightful and helpfulGreat book Shows 4 types of MILs,4 types of DILs , and 3 types of sons Perception of each other is the key Then she gives ways to feel better internally and then actual actions you can take to help improve relationships. Well worth the readAlthough I don t agree on everything, this book is the best at giving insight into the personality types of in laws and sons and daughters moms and fathers Well worth your time reading and to revisit as reference material and insight into any and all of your relationships. |Free Epub ♨ Reluctantly Related Revisited: Breaking Free of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Conflict ☪ Reluctantly Related Revisited is the newest book from award winning author Deanna Brann, PhD With her trademark humor, compassion and years of experience, Dr Brann explores the conflict that frequently arises in the mother in law MIL daughter in law DIL relationshipWomen everywhere know that the MIL DIL relationship can be one of the most complex and difficult relationships they experienceBased on years of research and packed full of timely examples, Reluctantly Related Revisited highlights the issues and struggles created in the MIL DIL relationship that add to the many disagreements frequently arising within families Including detailed action steps to overcome conflict and build a long lasting healthy rapport with your in law, Reluctantly Related Revisited is a must read for women everywhere The information is good the overall writing of the book is a little clunky. How is it that we could be so out of touch with each other s reality Reluctantly Related Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother in Law Or Daughter in Law by Deanna Brann, Ph.D., Your In Law Survival Guide, is all about resolving differences between in laws.Why is it that in law relationships can be so challenging Well, as Dr Brann reminds readers, in law relationships are artificial constructs The central figure in such relationships the son, in Dr Brann s writing has become a husban How is it that we could be so out of touch with each other s reality Reluctantly Related Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother in Law Or Daughter in Law by Deanna Brann, Ph.D., Your In Law Survival Guide, is all about resolving differences between in laws.Why is it that in law relationships can be so challenging Well, as Dr Brann reminds readers, in law relationships are artificial constructs The central figure in such relationships the son, in Dr Brann s writing has become a husband A new family is established, and the roles of mother, son and daughter in law need to take this change into account But so often, each participant looks at what is happening from their own perspective She makes me feel so inadequate Dr Brann, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, writes of her own experience with her daughter in law, providing an example of a disastrous family thanksgiving because both she and her daughter in law interpreted events from their own perspectives Both sides of the story are related here, and this provides a lead in to the challenges of the mother in law MIL daughter in law DIL relationship, including the artificiality of the relationship the different stages of life generally different generations personal history and emotional baggage we each have both In this book, Dr Brann introduces four different personality types of MIL Comfortable Carla, Mothering Margaret, Off the Wall Wanda, and Uncertain Sara four different personality types of DIL Confident Connie, Doubting Donna, Weird Wendy, and Transitioned Tracy and three different personality types for the husband son Self Assured Andy, In the Middle Michael, and Struggling Steven I am wary of stereotypes, but in this case it works as a way of focussing on the particular needs of each character and how a MIL or a DIL can understand where the DIL or the MIL is coming from And, it s this understanding that is critical to making in law relationships work effectively Managing expectations is important, as is respecting boundaries and mutual respect The effective use of humour can help as well.The book contains questionnaires so you can identify personality types , patterns of behaviour and how to deal with them I found the book provided interesting insights into what can clearly be a challenging relationship I enjoyed the illustrations, and made some notes For the future.Note I was offered, and accepted, a copy of this book for review purposes As a newly minted mother in law, I found the topic relevant and intriguing.Jennifer Cameron Smith If you have ever experienced that special type of tension between you and your mother in law daughter in law, then you should read this book The author has written a useful and helpful guide about this type of relationship and how to make the best of every situation Through her witty and often humorous accounts of reluctantly related individuals, Deanna Brann has shown us that we are not alone in our struggle and given us all insightful coping mechanisms for those relationships in our life tha If you have ever experienced that special type of tension between you and your mother in law daughter in law, then you should read this book The author has written a useful and helpful guide about this type of relationship and how to make the best of every situation Through her witty and often humorous accounts of reluctantly related individuals, Deanna Brann has shown us that we are not alone in our struggle and given us all insightful coping mechanisms for those relationships in our life that don t come to us all that easily.What I found most impressive about this book was the way the author went into detail when describing what makes the relationship tense in the first place She describes the different backgrounds we come from and how our relationships with our own family prior to marriage can have an effect on our relationship with our in laws This book has questionnaires to help you figure out where you fall within the realm of mother in law daughter in law struggles and also a lot of very useful and often humorous examples The little cartoons throughout this book are fun and made the reading feellike having a conversations with a smart friend than reading a self help guide This is also a good choice because it gives a well rounded view of both the perspective of the older woman and the younger and offers an opportunity for both to think about the other side of the coin I thought this added a lot of quality to the effectiveness of the book as a booster for the relationships of the women who read it I actually was forced to think about how my actions would make someone else feel, and I am grateful that it gave me pause and made me consider things.Chapter 6 Patterns was my favorite chapter of the book This particular chapter pointed out a lot of things that I have done in the past and I could relate to that may have contributed to the tension in the family and how to change the dynamic.Overall, this was a very insightful and well written guide I would recommend this to anyone who is having trouble seeing eye to eye with their in law and to women who are just about to get married The author clearly has a good sense of humor and knows what she is talking about