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I was so happy to see that GoodReads allows you to rate something with zero stars! If ever a book merited such treatment, it is this one This book is so BAD it is unintentionally funny Very funny My favorite sentences so far:Propitious fortune allowed her to descry whom the crepuscular light yielded.The single unseemliness bechanced in her dressing room.Whilst still partaking of their meal, Darcy apologised unnecessarily upon the austere winter dressing of his county.In the pristine morning light, it was not an inquisition of her configuration he sought (for he had, upon a few occasions long past, perused a womanly portal).Believe me, folks, the whole thing reads like this I am NOT making this up I was drowning in in a sea of betwixt (82 times) and howbeits (59 times) Many of the sentences are downright becramped with broken sentence structure and overwrought language All things are besoiled, bedewed, begrimed, bechanced Nothing is ever dewed or grimed or soiled No one ever sits between two people, it is indubitably betwixt Even if you can ignore the horrible writing, you will be affronted by the subpar romantic/erotic plotting and descriptions (womanly portals and nether garments, indeed!).Thanks to 's Search Inside feature If you want a good laugh, go there for this book and search on the term nether The excerpts are exquisite. When you want a taste of Tudor England, do you turn to Shakespeare, or do you watch The Tudors? You answer might determine whether or not you would enjoy Mr Darcy Takes a Wife, a book that tries to hide the fact that it is a romance novel by pretending that it might have been imagined by Jane Austen.I can’t decide if this is a bad book or not To me, there is a time and a place for the trashiness of The Tudors, or The Other Bolyn Girl, or the part of the BBC Pride and Prejudice when Colin Firth climbs out of the pond in his clingy shirt That time, for me anyway, is when I need a break from whatever highbrow pursuits I might usually undertake When, in other words, I just want to be entertained by pretty people walking through pretty landscapes, wearing pretty period clothes And, you know … doing it.Mr Darcy Takes a Wife begins with a note from the author about what a prude Jane Austen was It offers this “sequel” as an antidote – and that’s the warning sign right there, on page iv Actually, perhaps the warning sign comes earlier than you realize that you’ve never heard of this author OR the publisher before You know what that means: other, nobler artists and editors turned this idea down.At first, the story doesn’t seem all that bad The writing is almost kind of quaint: lots of words like “hence,” “solicitous,” and “chastement.” If you’re drunk, maybe you can even convince yourself that it sounds a little like a real Jane Austen book And it opens with our beloved heroine, Lizzy Bennett Darcy, thinking back on her romantic, lustful wedding night That’s not so bad, is it? Haven’t you always kind of wondered if they made as good a married couple as they did enemies?But then, by about page 18, the references to Mr Darcy’s “easily agitated male instrument” begin They don’t stop And some of the descriptions are almost nightmarish: “manhood” (although, fine, I expected that one), “ampleness of his credentials,” “commodious organ,” “explicit bulge in the fork of his unhintables,” and so on Yes, on that trashy level maybe it’s fun to read about how wellendowed Mr Darcy is, (and I'm not talking about his money) And yet, I’m not sure I fully appreciate it Will I be able to read Pride and Prejudice again without thinking of his “unhintables?” I really hope so.My annoyance at the language culminates with the author’s use of the word “compleat.” It’s on just about every page: compleat, compleatly, compleatness, etc Come on You are not Jane Austen, you don’t live in olden times – none of us are so confused to believe any of that, so I’m pretty sure you can use the modern spelling.Right now, my scales are tipping towards the idea that this book sucks I just can’t decide whether it sucks so bad that it’s actually awesome.P.S I just read this line, which is tipping the scales towards 'sucks': In discussing Kitty Bennett's propensity for swooning in front of potential suitors, the author says Kitty puts her hand on the back of her forehead Ok So, I think we all know what she MEANT was back of the hand to the forehead since the back of the forehead is, what? The brain? But back of the forehead made it into the final draft, the draft that made its way onto a bookshelf I didn't want to say so before, but now it appears that this book was edited by some livestock It's called proofreading and everyone from first grade forward is encouraged to do it. SO BAD This is just smutty fanfiction that someone was able to get published Sex (which was done very stupidly) is on every other page and the characters have been given new, and less flattering backgrounds Mr Darcy is a well endowed sex god, who has been spreading his love around since he was 16 Elizabeth, while still a virgin, was ready to give it up to Darcy before marriage, and would have, if not for an interruption I just felt like I was growing to dislike these characters who I have always held in such regard Austen's characters deserve so much better than this.The author seems to have spent some time trying to understand the vocabulary of Austen's time and then dumped every word she knew into every other sentence Austen's books flow, this book stumbles in vocab overload.This book starts with a slam on Austen from Bronte While it might be true, I can think of better ways to honor such a literary goddess than by fixing her flaws And as a note to the author, if I was pompous enough to try to fix Austen's flaws, I might have tried to write something a little better than flowery smut It's called a plot, prechance thou shall persuse its meaning.Don't read this book I would have given it zero stars, but then someone might have taken that as a no rating and been swindled into reading it. and sometimes, to torture myself, I read sequels to Pride and Prejudice Hey, it's published fanfiction! How cool is that?So, my personal disclaimer is that I don't expect these sequel writers to write just like Jane Austen I don't even want them to *try.* If they do, they will fail Period I would just prefer them to write *well.* It covers a multitude of sins!On the book at hand this was originally published under the title The Bar Sinister, and I did wonder why the title had been changed until I read it Because this book isn't so much about whether or not Mr Darcy has an illegitimate son (to quote a far superior Austen adaptation: As IF!) as it is about the fact that people, Mr Darcy takes a wife A lot All over the place In various nonsexy and increasingly contrived scenarios.As if that wasn't nonstimulating enough, the prose is positively *florid* and convoluted and actually unreadable in parts I'm not going to go after specific examples, because I would never *stop,* but I would like to take this opportunity to introduce Ms Berdoll to the word between Honey, no one is torn betwixt two lovers, they're not betwixt a rock and a hard place, and nobody sits betwixt Bob and Sally at dinner Okay? If it wasn't for the direct quote from Love and Freindship and the vague allusion to one of Austen's letters, I wouldn't even believe that Ms Berdoll has read any of Austen's work I doubt she's read Pride and Prejudice I think she saw the AE miniseries 97 times, thought Mr Darcy was hot, and sat down to write the ultimate selfinsertion wishfulfillment fantasy fanfic.Which is exactly how this thing reads Elizabeth gets a thoroughbred horse! Elizabeth gets a huge diamond necklace! Elizabeth gets her portrait painted! And she gets to christen every room of Pemberley with that hot Colin Firth!Oops, I meant Mr Darcy Then, after all the hot monkey lovin', everyone but ED start multiplying like rabbits all over the place! Mr Collins is randomly killed off in some strange Rube Goldberg sequence! Elizabeth fires a pistol at Lady Catherine! Who wets herself! Various characters take off to the Poorly Researched War! And the presumeddead Wickham rides up over the hill on his valiant steed, like a zombie clawing his way out of the grave in a horror movie! And speaking of research (No, I'm NOT done yet!), it probably wouldn't have killed Ms Berdoll to, you know, do some of that Who the heck is SIR LUCAS? (And on one memorable occasion, LORD Lucas?) You don't have to be an expert on the British peerage to know that a knight is addresed by Sir Firstname, not Sir Lastname Why, all you'd have to do is consult that pesky source material! Which also would have told the author that Darcy's mother's name was Anne, not Elinor Wait a minute, I take that back Ms Berdoll *did* do some pretty extensive research On Regency slang for naughty parts and the sex act So at least we all learned something. ( E-PUB ) ♗ The Bar Sinister ☮ Every woman wants to be Elizabeth Bennet Darcybeautiful, gracious, universally admired, strong, daring and outspokena thoroughly modern woman in crinolines And every woman will fall madly in love with Mr Darcytall, dark and handsome, a nobleman and a heartthrob whose virility is matched only by his utter devotion to his wifeTheir passion is consuming and idyllicessentially, they can't keep their hands off each otherthrough a sweeping tale of adventure and misadventure, human folly and numerous mysteries of parentageHold on to your bonnets! This sexy, epic, hilarious, poignant and romantic sequel to Pride and Prejudice is not for Jane Austen purists Selfpublished inas The Bar Sinister, this sequel continues the story of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy through a sweeping tale of adventure Someone PLEASE, for the love of god, take away Linda Berdoll's thesaurus She uses it like holy water to ward off her sinfully atrocious plot and subplots The tawdry crime of affixing era appropriate colloquialisms (i.e gel, chit, the ton, the season) should only remain in lowerbrow, period romance novels Not to speak against insipid, salacious romance novels, I am a fan; however Berdoll managed to make a complete mockery of Jane Austen's timeless classic She has sullied the name of Elizabeth Bennett with talk of quivering manhoods and trembling bosoms and I am sure Austen has made 20 revolutions in her grave by now. I'm embarrassed to admit itthis was a totally enjoyable book Unlike the yawninducing 4 Delightful Stars So this book is pretty much a fan faction of what happens with Mr and Mrs Darcy after their happy ending in the original book Since Jane Austen did quite long ago and is not alive to tell herself what happens next, some author decide to create their story themselves And Kudos for making it sexy!! I’m not telling the story, because c’mon, what living person doesn’t know what this book is all about? I’ve read Pride Prejudice for the first time when I was 7 years old It was my first romance book and it was the first of many (maaaaaaaaaany)I’ve reread it countless times, until the point of being able to quote some parts of it, and still today is my favorite book People close to me are always surprised how I can read the same thing over and over again, but f they don’t know the beauty of this book, well, that’s on them I was a little apprehensive to start this “sequelists”, or whatever the hell they are called, books, afraid of ruining my image of the book forever (that was probably why it took me some years to finally start), but let me tell you: I should have started sooner I understand that some Jane Austen purists will probably hate this, but for me, a lover of all things after the HEA it checked all my boxes It had a little bitdrama that I would have liked, but overall it was a nice look into their lives as a married couple And a lot of Mr Darcy is never too much Mr Darcy It definitely opened some doors for me, and I will keep reading this type of fanfictions After all, if I can haveof my favorite couple, why not? If only there was some like this about Persuasion… Rating: Characters Development: Mr Darcy is Mr Darcy, aka the book character that ruined all our expectations for man and Lizzie is her awesome self There’s really not much to be said Except for the moment where I almost wanted to beat Mr Bingley!! And he was one of my favorites!! Steam: Heated scenes Sensible Subjects: (view spoiler)[ Violence Attempted rape Abortion (hide spoiler)] Trashy funtotally satisfying! Yes, a trashy book can be satisfying indeed Mr Darcy Takes a Wife filled a massive void in my life: what the heck happens to Darcy and Elizabeth after Pride and Prejudice????I have no idea how many times I've read Pride and Prejudice It is at least an biannual tradition I also tend to wallow in a selfimposed gloom if I don't get to watch the BBC's most excellent, divinelyinspired 1995 miniseries Pride and Prejudice at least once a year Berdoll's book has offended many Austen purists, but I think she did a great service to those of us who are incurably, let's say, imaginative about the future lives of Darcy and Lizzie The book is long on details, pretty explicit sexually (hence, the offense), and quite melodramatic Her treatment of minor characters in Pride and Prejudice is wonderful, particularly that of Col Fitzwilliam and Georgiana Darcy She clearly loves the story and the characters dearly.So, once I finished this book, I immediately read it again Then I reread the good parts Then I read it again Yes, the void has been filled I'm sure I will read this book again, maybe every five years or so Linda Berdoll is not Jane Austen She does not replace or try to complete with Miss Austen But, she has my respect for taking her fantasy to print, for the enjoyment of those of us who are likeminded in our adoration of Darcy and Elizabeth and Jane Austen. Please, don't read this book, or, if you feel compelled to, please don't tell me you did unless it is with the intent to vent your anger and frustration that such a travesty was ever published If you do not feel highly protective of Darcy, Lizzie, Jane Austen, and all her writing stands for, you might get some enjoyment out of this book If you love Jane for her satire and excellent but unforced language, as well as respectable characters, you might be brought to tears or to burning this book.Just a few of the myriad problems (and I give Dovey credit for identifying some of these):Horrible sex scenes that have nothing in common with what we would expect from Lizzie and Darcy after PP.Word choice that is meant to be in the spirit of Jane's language, yet is pretentious and totally misses the spirit of how Jane wroteGeneral behavior that is constantly out of character, including extreme weakspiritedness and selfpity out of Lizzie; a new, crude sexmaniac, alpha dog attitude from Darcy; and gentle Georgiana running off to become a nurse in France during the Napoleonic War for god's sake.If you are looking for nothingthan a romance novel with fancy language and characters who just happen to share names with some illustrious literary figures, you might be pretty happy with your choice Outside of that, don't waste your time.