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FREE à Jitterbug Perfume ⚛ Jitterbug Perfume is an epic, which is to say, it begins in the forests of ancient Bohemia and doesn t conclude until nine o clock tonight Paris time It is a saga, as well A saga must have a hero, and the hero of this one is a janitor with a missing bottle The bottle is blue, very, very old, and embossed with the image of a goat horned god If the liquid in the bottle is actually is the secret essence of the universe, as some folks seem to think, it had better be discovered soon because it is leaking and there is only a drop or two left Two stars, and I m being nice And I am a f cking huge fan of beetroot For the last few weeks, I ve been eating it like it s the only vegetable on the menu It s good for iron in the blood, and I like it pickled, raw and boiled I could eat it constantly I love sex as well, I love reading about it Of course you want to know a lot about But this book was hysterical In the beginning I was so enthusiastic, and Alobar had a face and body of Gerard in 300 movie Oh la la la, take me, take me, Two stars, and I m being nice And I am a f cking huge fan of beetroot For the last few weeks, I ve been eating it like it s the only vegetable on the menu It s good for iron in the blood, and I like it pickled, raw and boiled I could eat it constantly I love sex as well, I love reading about it Of course you want to know a lot about But this book was hysterical In the beginning I was so enthusiastic, and Alobar had a face and body of Gerard in 300 movie Oh la la la, take me, take me, take me Even if you don t shower Book had it all, and then he Robbins started talking And I started blinking, what are you talking about And it wasn t the sex part, nymphs coming all over the grass, sperm all over everybody, lesbians gnawing in the toilet, Rabbit nose, and now I am here, now I am not, bees as an accessorize and religious history.My thoughts were, aha, ok, yes, ok Simple thoughts I m mocking this book too much now, but what I want to say General idea is great, really fascinatingly great people should enjoy , appreciate life , look what happened throughout history we have every reason to understand happiness and love, to live happily and be in love and to have as much sex as we can and send positive vibes to each other The essence of everything is Pan but all together, this book was like warm milk Something that I was forced to drink when I was younger and it tasted like shite, and in this metaphor, I was forcing myself to finish reading.Cogito, ergo sum Sorry Tom, thank you Descartes.Final result lets put that nose little bit down, ha, Mr Robbins Lets not tear the clouds with it Well, I officially don t get Tom Robbins People have recommended him on the basis of comparisons to Douglas Adams, but Adams is, you know, funny Here s what seems to pass for humor in a Tom Robbins novel beets the very existence of , a woman getting stung in a delicate place by a bee, and lesbians the very existence of And here s the kind of prose you can look forward to The sky, layered with thin altostratus clouds and smog, appeared to reflect human suffering and failed to awaken in Cl Well, I officially don t get Tom Robbins People have recommended him on the basis of comparisons to Douglas Adams, but Adams is, you know, funny Here s what seems to pass for humor in a Tom Robbins novel beets the very existence of , a woman getting stung in a delicate place by a bee, and lesbians the very existence of And here s the kind of prose you can look forward to The sky, layered with thin altostratus clouds and smog, appeared to reflect human suffering and failed to awaken in Claude visions of paradise Page 13 The sky was a velvety black paw pressing on the white landscape with a feline delicacy, stars flying like sparks from its fur Page 36 With the absence of the cloud cover that normally caused the sky over Seattle to resemble cottage cheese that had been dragged nine miles behind a cement truck, the city, for the first time in memory, would have an unobstructed view of one of nature s most mystical spectacles Page 47 When Claude glanced at the sky, he saw that the text of Les Miserables had been painted over by Salvador Dali The sun was so round and glossy and black that had it a figure eight on it, well, it would have validated a lot of long standing philosophical and theological complaints, underlining once and for all just where we earthlings sit on the cosmic pool table Page 81 A few flat clouds folded themselves like crepes over fillings of apricot sky Pompadours of supper time smoke billowed from chimneys, separating into girlish pigtails as the breeze combed them out, above the slate rooftops Chestnut blossoms, weary from having been admired all day, wore faint smiles of anticipation Page 201 And of course Above Seattle, the many buttocked sky continued to grind Page 312 And that s just me culling annoying descriptions of the sky Imagine 350 dense, unrelenting pages of this crap I never thought a book about immortality one of my favorite subjects could ever inspire in me such a desperate desire for it all to please just end Before I knew that magical realism was a thing, I loved Tom Robbins Before I fell hard for postmodernism, I fell for Tom Robbins Before I had developed a literary taste that I can be proud of, there was the beacon of hope for me that is Tom Robbins.There aren t many things I loved in high school that I still love now Listening to the same Dashboard Confessional CD on infinite repeat, running to Livejournal to unselfconsciously document every oh so significant spike in my emotional temperature Before I knew that magical realism was a thing, I loved Tom Robbins Before I fell hard for postmodernism, I fell for Tom Robbins Before I had developed a literary taste that I can be proud of, there was the beacon of hope for me that is Tom Robbins.There aren t many things I loved in high school that I still love now Listening to the same Dashboard Confessional CD on infinite repeat, running to Livejournal to unselfconsciously document every oh so significant spike in my emotional temperature and wearing brightly colored tights under fishnet stockings are all things I ve let slip into the past but Robbins has seen me through all the milestones and minutia of my teenage and twentysomething years Jitterbug Perfume was not my first foray into the weirdly wonderful and wonderfully weird worlds that Robbins builds from the gossamer threads of imagination unbound I m actually not sure which one popped my Robbins cherry but I do know I first read this one during my last summer of college when I was a live in nanny which was a surprisingly good summer for bibliomania, actually It is, along with Skinny Legs and All, tied for the honor of being my favorite of his, and both novels are longtime mainstays of my desert island reading list So when my craving for Robbins got to be too demanding to be delayed any longer and the heady of perfume of spring was calling too loudly for the only companion novel that successfully captured the power of scent in words, I knew I could rely on this book to deliver everything I needed and.It is tempting like, it is taking an inordinate amount of self control to fight the impulse to say something about how beets are the beating heart of this novel but that s only because I have a sick, unironic penchant for puns Really, this is a story that spans 1,000 years or about as long as I ve been staring at the computer screen while waiting for this review to write itself C MON BOOZE LUBRICATE MY THOUGHT PROCESS NOW and connects Seattle to New Orleans to Paris to Bohemia of yore with the wafting of a fragrance There s also a very loyal swarm of bees serving as the halo a modern day Christ figure would wear and Pan comes and goes to prove that man creates and destroys gods with a fury and jealously no spiritual figurehead would ever dare to act on And a fallen king who proves that love can lastthan a lifetime and winds up behind bars in the process if that s not a metaphor for modern times, I don t know what is You know, I thought a little liquid creativity would help me here but it is just so damn hard to express how much and why I love this book and how excited I am that, almost eight years later, it is actually even better than I remembered This is so muchthan beautifully playful prose, a caution against taking oneself too seriously lest you forget to stop and smell the beet pollen,inventively evocative metaphors than a whole hockey team could shake some really long sticks at just to mention a few of the things that established my seemingly eternal entrenchment in the Tom Robbins fan club so many years ago That s not to say that I wasn t thoroughly tickled by those elements this time around but thesubtle aspects of the storytelling were what really got to me during this most recent reading.This book is a little disarming because it addresses so many issues, Big Ticket and otherwise life, death, love, immortality and the conflicted yearning for it, what happens on the other side of death, the individual vs societal norms, the search for perfection, scientific pursuits, religion and the lack thereof in such a lighthearted, unexpectedly connected way that its moments of seriousness pack a brutal but enlightening punch A character who triumphs over death for a good millennium is bound to losethan he gains in his willful longevity, and his moments of introspective contemplation are a little hard to watch unfold, especially as some of the other characters are revealed to be carrying around the kind of sadnesses that compel them to keep moving I can now appreciate that there is a definite Pynchonian element of contrasting goofiness of the highest order against some truly sobering sorrows to maximize the impact of each emotional extreme.I was a little worried that, like so many things I ve outgrown, my love of Robbins s unique storytelling might now be a thing of the past tense But he so intricately layers and pieces together so much in his books that there is plenty to notice for a first time like how Jitterbug Perfume really does follow the format of a hero s journey, complete with help of and hindrances from mythical beings, a never say die determination to reach the finish line, the occasional occurrence of wine dark liquids, and even a visit from a cyclops and evento rediscover anew Told to read this by my boyfriend who declared that I NEEDED to read this book to understand him, I am now disgusted and reconsidering my relationship Ok, I m kidding, but I take solace in the fact he read this book in high school.Oddly enough, my best friend also said this is her favorite book.Either I m surprised to discover I m a prude, or Robbins wastes way too much of a promising book on misogynistic fantasies of all women as nymphomaniacs who live and breathe to seduce and pleasure their Told to read this by my boyfriend who declared that I NEEDED to read this book to understand him, I am now disgusted and reconsidering my relationship Ok, I m kidding, but I take solace in the fact he read this book in high school.Oddly enough, my best friend also said this is her favorite book.Either I m surprised to discover I m a prude, or Robbins wastes way too much of a promising book on misogynistic fantasies of all women as nymphomaniacs who live and breathe to seduce and pleasure their usually significantly older male partners The only relationship that didn t annoy me was between Priscilla and Ricki, and even that one was sexually focused I don t mind reading about sex, in fact I rather enjoy it if done tastefully, but I feel that the overwhelming sexual descriptions took away from the substance of Robbins ideas I found myself rolling my eyes throughout most of it and was even embarassed when a man in a plane commented on my book choice, noting that another author he reads is like Tom Robbins if he had a heart I give it two stars because Robbins is clever maybe too clever and funny and I feel that the ending made up for what was lacking earlier in the book Or maybe I was just glad to be done with it