[ Book ] ♈ Beat the Reaper ☺ MOBI eBook or Kindle ePUB free

Anybody who thinks the U.S doesn t need health care reform should read this book Since the author was a medical intern and the details about patient care seem horribly realistic, I think I d rather read a Surgery For Dummies book and attempt my own future operations with a bottle of Jack Daniels, a carpet knife, duct tape and some rusty pliers rather than risk being admitted to a hospital after reading this.Peter Brown is a harried resident trying to get through another miserable day at a larg Anybody who thinks the U.S doesn t need health care reform should read this book Since the author was a medical intern and the details about patient care seem horribly realistic, I think I d rather read a Surgery For Dummies book and attempt my own future operations with a bottle of Jack Daniels, a carpet knife, duct tape and some rusty pliers rather than risk being admitted to a hospital after reading this.Peter Brown is a harried resident trying to get through another miserable day at a large hospital and keep his med students from killing too many patients But he s also a former mob hitman in witness protection trying to start a new life as a doctor When one of his old collegues shows up as a patient and recognizes him, Brown spends the day juggling his medical duties while trying to keep his old pals from finding out where he is.This was a darkly funny and fast paced story with an original and outlandish premise The author s medical background makes for some gross and scary details about the kind of medical things they never talk about on ER or House The story of Peter frantically trying to keep the mob patient from blabbing about his whereabouts while dealing with a stream of medical problems is intercut with flashbacks to the background of how Peter became a hitman and why he turned on the mob and entered witness protection I loved this book until the ending Everything was clicking right along, but it s as if Bazell just decided that it was time to end the whole thing and he just threw on the brakes and wrapped everything up in just a few pages It was pretty jarring and I wish he would have spent some time on the resolution, but this was still a great but gruesome crime novel with a medical twist An outrageous novel that got me laughing a lot in between painfully gruesome situations, a plot worthy of comic books, and occasional absurdly implausible sex scenes A young intern of Polish Jewish background, Peter Brown, tries to save patients from gross incompetence at the worst hospital in Manhattan while popping drugs to keep awake It turns out he is former mob hit man in Witness Protection, and his cover is in danger of being blown Much of the tale corresponds to reflecting back on h An outrageous novel that got me laughing a lot in between painfully gruesome situations, a plot worthy of comic books, and occasional absurdly implausible sex scenes A young intern of Polish Jewish background, Peter Brown, tries to save patients from gross incompetence at the worst hospital in Manhattan while popping drugs to keep awake It turns out he is former mob hit man in Witness Protection, and his cover is in danger of being blown Much of the tale corresponds to reflecting back on his unusual past that led to his current situation His parents were murdered when he was a kid, and he works his way toward avenging their death in his teenage years This attracts the attention of the mobster father of his school friend, who leads him take on work carrying out periodic hits for money on despicable people that truly deserve killing His brutal defense against a mugger on the way to work on the first pages reveals his special skills in violence and sardonic internal dialog that typically leans to medical annotation in excruciating detail Because of my background in the medical sciences, I liked the collision of unrealistic plot violence with realistic coverage of consequences To help you decide if this novel is for you, I share with you this piece from the opening scenariothe fuckhead can see the blue scrub pants under my overcoat , so he thinks I ve got drugs and money on me And maybe that I ve taken some kind of oath not to kick his fuckhead ass for trying to mug me.I barely have enough drugs and money to get me through the day And the only oath I took, as I recall, was to first do no harm I m thinking we re past that point I turn around, which rolls the gun off my skull and leaves my raised right hand above the fuckhead s arm I wrap his elbow and jerk upward, causing the ligaments to pop like champagne corks.Let s take a moment to smell the rose known as the elbow.The two bones of the forearm, the ulna and the radius, move independently of each other, and also rotate You can see this by turning your hand from palm up, in which position the ulna and radius are parallel, to palm down, where they re crossed into an X They therefore require a complicated anchoring system at the elbow, with the ligaments wrapping the various bone ends in spoolable and unspoolable ribbons that look like the tape on the handle of a tennis racket It s a shame to tear these ligaments apart.Thus, you can see that the book is not for the squeamish, but as with me Bazell s imaginative over the top action and particular genius for humor in his delivery may appeal enough to get you past the tough parts Utterly ridiculous, gratuitously violent, highly improbable, totally engrossing, lightening paced Why don tpeople write like this Hey fuckhead,Yep, you, the one with the track marks running down both arms trying to slide off into oblivion, with the tilted head and the faraway expression, staring at the sun like it s some four headed monster ready to steal your dreams, twitching for your next fix like some random dog left out in the rain too long, with a stutter stepping walk and attitude, veering off from the rest of the universe like a bad dream you might want to sit this one out, otherwise you might havethan just Hey fuckhead,Yep, you, the one with the track marks running down both arms trying to slide off into oblivion, with the tilted head and the faraway expression, staring at the sun like it s some four headed monster ready to steal your dreams, twitching for your next fix like some random dog left out in the rain too long, with a stutter stepping walk and attitude, veering off from the rest of the universe like a bad dream you might want to sit this one out, otherwise you might havethan just a fogged up brain on your hands You may want to study a medical chart and have your CT scanned and actually study ligaments and tendons and muscles and bones and maybe even pass an anatomy class, although that might be too much to ask, because you re about to get your ass kicked, and you ll need to be able to piece yourself back together later, with the doctor s help of course And frankly that s what you re going to need loads and loads of help.The medical industry is encased in a shitstorm the likes of which your coke snorting ass has never seen, and it s about to get worse for you and your fellow fuckhead Americans And if you can stop being a worthless piece of horseshit forthan one fucking minute, you might actually have a prayer at making it in this world, instead of ending up in some premature, unmarked grave all by your lonesome staring at the bottom of a coffin at the age of twenty two with your eyes wide open.The good news is you ll die of lethal injection, probably at the hands of some no name doctor, when all you did was go and see the man about a head cold So at least you ll have that going for you Because if I really wanted to kill you, I could shove a cork down your throat or jack you full of potassium until your eyes bleed, or I could have one of the Latvian nurses on my floor, who is really nothingthan a worthless piece of shit, who smokesweed than she does rounds and surfs the Internet like she has a gun held to her head, ignore your ass for the rest of your miserable life, peppering your chart with the standard healthy readings when really you re secretly dying of stomach cancer.And don t forget that I ve worked for the mob, hell they brought me into their family, not the one where I had to prove that I m worthy by killing some innocent individual while he was sleeping, or watching TV in the middle of the afternoon, but the one where I was sitting around the dining room table on a Sunday afternoon shooting the shit I spent my formative years in dojos studying everything from tae kwon do to kempo, so I know over 100 ways to make your ears bleed, so if you don t get yourself straight and step the fuck off, I ll plant your ass at the bottom of a cesspool, and I ll work the next 120 hours without even batting an eyelash.Yep, I might just be the craziest son of a bitch you ever met I pop Moxfane tablets like they re caffeine pills I take powernaps in a coat closet and I ll smear a pint of blood all over myself for the right cause I have what you might call a rapid onset addiction to bloodshed, and I killed four men while I was still taped to a chair along with countless other fuckers that I d rather not mention since I m in WITSEC, so I really have no qualms about killing an innocent, or in your case, not so innocent individual.And while you may not think you re a dumbfuck, and that you re actually being clever by trying to jump my ass while I m wearing scrubs, there are at least forty different kinds of stupidity, and over the course of our less than five minute interlude, you exhibited every single one of them, and probably about a dozen others that haven t even been medically diagnosed yet So, yep, you re fucked, and that s even without your latest fix.Oh, and whatever you do, don t go to Sicily Trust me, you ll thank me later.Sincerely,Dr Pietro Brnwa Bearclaw , internP.S If you know what s good for you, you ll get some Mexican hairless beaver before you die.P.P.S Don t be such a fuckhead, fuckhead.DISCLAIMER I really liked this book and this voice, so much in fact that I couldn t write this review any other way.Cross posted at Robert s Reads [ Book ] ♨ Beat the Reaper ☪ Dr Peter Brown is an intern at Manhattan s worst hospital Pietro Bearclaw Brwna is a hitman for the mobAnd Nicholas LoBrutto, Dr Brown s new patient who has three months to live, has a very strange idea that Peter Brown and Pietro Brwna might just might be the same person Dr Peter Brown is an intern at Manhattan s worst hospital, with a talent for medicine, a shift from hell, and a past he d prefer to keep hidden Whether it s a blocked circumflex artery or a plan to land a massive malpractice suit, he knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men Pietro Bearclaw Brwna is a hitman for the mob, with a genius for violence, a well earned fear of sharks, and an overly close relationship with the Federal Witness Relocation Program More likely to leave a trail of dead gangsters than a molecule of evidence, he s the last person you want to see in your hospital room Nicholas LoBrutto, aka Eddy Squillante, is Dr Brown s new patient, with three months to live and a very strange idea that Peter Brown and Pietro Brwna might just might be the same person Now, with the mob, the government, and death itself descending on the hospital, Peter has to buy time and do whatever it takes to keep his patients, himself, and his last shot at redemption alive To get through the next eight hours and somehow beat the reaper Spattered in adrenaline fueled action and bone saw sharp dialogue, Beat the Reaper is a debut thriller so utterly original you won t be able to guess what happens next, and so shockingly entertaining you won t be able to put it down A very interesting and disturbing novel that s excessive on violence, especially toward some good and undeserving characters This would have rated higher with fewer innocents killed 7 of 10 stars When I started reading this, I had the vague expectation that it was going to be some sort of urban fantasy It wasn t But that didn t keep me absolutely loving it It s funny, clever, fast moving, irreverent, and horrifying in turns I highly recommend it Unless you re a hypochondriac If you are, you should avoid it like the plague heh. This book is A MAY ZING Straight up Please read this.It s hilarious and wildly disturbing all at the same time Bazell is like the Chuck Palahniuk for sane people.This will just be easier if I quote Ron Charles Beat the Reaper is a hypochondriac s nightmare but a reader s dream Josh Bazell concocted this comic thriller while working as a medical resident at the University of California, San Francisco, and if anything he describes here is true, we should all become Christian Scientists I wan This book is A MAY ZING Straight up Please read this.It s hilarious and wildly disturbing all at the same time Bazell is like the Chuck Palahniuk for sane people.This will just be easier if I quote Ron Charles Beat the Reaper is a hypochondriac s nightmare but a reader s dream Josh Bazell concocted this comic thriller while working as a medical resident at the University of California, San Francisco, and if anything he describes here is true, we should all become Christian Scientists I want to tell you all about it, the ridiculousness of certain parts, other parts that made me seethe with anger and the vast cynicism throughout But you just have to read it The main character calls Lech Wa sa a pig faced bitch.One of the other things I like, aesthetically anyway, is that throughout the chapters there are little pictures of the Grim Reaper running with a scythe, a tiny little thing used to indicate a break in the main character s train of thought Until he has this thoughtBut rituals turn us all into fucking idiots Like those birds that sleep with their heads facing backwards because their ancestors slept with their heads under their wings Plutarch says that carrying new wives across thresholds is stupid because we don t remember that it refers to the rape of the Sabine women and that s fucking Plutarch, two thousand years ago We still draw the Reaper with a scythe We should draw him driving a John Deere for Archer Daniels Midland And after that, the little Reapers throughout the book are featured driving a tractor Genius.Do yourself a favor and read this book Unless you hate things that are awesome I m a Charlie Huston honk There, I admitted it Like the first step out of twelve, I recognize my problem And I feel unburdened Free almost I m a Huston holic A junkie for Charlie s magical mushroom prose And like every good Huston holic, I m always searching for writers with a similar style Writers that ll grab me by the throat, worrying me like a dog.Enter Josh Bazell A combination of Huston and Chuck Palahniuk, Bazell stuns with his debut novel Beat the Reaper, a brutal and humorous m I m a Charlie Huston honk There, I admitted it Like the first step out of twelve, I recognize my problem And I feel unburdened Free almost I m a Huston holic A junkie for Charlie s magical mushroom prose And like every good Huston holic, I m always searching for writers with a similar style Writers that ll grab me by the throat, worrying me like a dog.Enter Josh Bazell A combination of Huston and Chuck Palahniuk, Bazell stuns with his debut novel Beat the Reaper, a brutal and humorous medical crime gritfest It s Goodfellas meets House with footnotes Part hitman, part healer But with a bedside manner that will have you running out of a hospital quicker than you can say HMO Though this big idea sounds odd, the novel works, beautifully Like a virus that gets inside you, always consuming, always growing Never stopping If you don t have an addiction, Beat the Reaper will give you one Namely a finishing the book addiction It s like life Once you start, you won t stop until you reach the end Dr Peter Brown has a past he d like to forget Once a hitter for the mob known as Pietro Bearclaw Brnwa he got out when things went bad, testifying against his former employers before dropping off the face of the earth, courtesy of the Federal Witness Protection Program Relocated and re imagined, Peter assumes a new life as an intern at Manhattan Catholic Hospital Helping and treating patients Including one patient who happens to be a mob father with a good memory One who happens to recognize the Pietro in Peter Suddenly Peter must move fast to stay ahead of a vengeful mob looking to mete out mafia justice The type of justice that ll put him into the Manhattan Catholic morgue.The narrative alternates between chapters One plotline focusing on Peter s current predicament and one examining his past as a mob enforcer, both slowly teasing out the answers of why he left the life And why he s on the lam The action is intense, and the alternating nature of the chapters makes the book incredibly addictive Like literary crack, it ll have you greeting the dawn, puffy red bags under your eyes I stayed up most of the night, compelled to finish Even better I was absolutely satisfied once I did.Bazell never shortchanges the reader, peppering Beat the Reaper with a slew of unforgettable moments, leading to an ending so grotesque and badass you won t want to miss it And you ll probably never be the same after you ve read it Like Huston, Bazell creates dialogue with a street cadence It sounds real, and evenimportantly, it sounds cool Really cool Like you can use it to impress your friends Make them think you re clever Coupled with the odd fact weirdness popularized by Palahniuk, and Beat the Reaper makes for a unique and humorous read The mob and medicine have never been this engaging together Last Word Stunning debuts like Beat the Reaper do one thing leave you wantingLike a kid stomping his foot, impatiently More Pietro Brwna,streetwise dialogue,intense, heart stopping action More Josh Bazell After this gem, people will be eagerly anticipating Bazell s next novel I know I m one of them And that s the first step, admitting the problem Admitting you re a Bazell holic This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers To view it, click here 3 stars Note Posting again since apparently not received via e mail updates A while ago I mentioned in a review commentary that I was due for some light reading, some brain candy After some back and forth discussion, Beat the Reaper won out over a couple of other suggestions As it turns out, it s not a book I would ordinarily pick up, and if I had, after skimming the first few pages, I might have put it down once I saw that this author was hell bent on inserting a lot of profanity and vio 3 stars Note Posting again since apparently not received via e mail updates A while ago I mentioned in a review commentary that I was due for some light reading, some brain candy After some back and forth discussion, Beat the Reaper won out over a couple of other suggestions As it turns out, it s not a book I would ordinarily pick up, and if I had, after skimming the first few pages, I might have put it down once I saw that this author was hell bent on inserting a lot of profanity and violent behavior in his narrative But I persevered because I respect the opinion of the Goodreads friend who recommended it The book opens at 5 00 a.m with Dr Peter Brown watching a pigeon fight a rat in the snow when a mugger sticks a gun into the base of his skull It s cold, and it actually feels sort of good, in an acupressure kind of way I liked that line will be sharing with my physiotherapist next week The mugger recognizes him as a doctor by his blue scrub pants, and must assume not only that the doc will do no harm, but that he must be carrying drugs and money I barely have enough drugs and money to get me through the day And the only oath I took, as I recall, was to first do no harm I m thinking we re past that point I wrap his elbow and jerk upwards, causing ligaments to pop like champagne corks Let s take a moment to smell the rose known as the elbow And during a medical explanation about the mechanics of what the protagonist just did, Josh Bazell takes the reader to his first footnote, and then ends the paragraph with It s a shame to tear these ligaments apart But the good doctor isn t exactly remorseful, and by the time the scene ends, we ve read through a considerable dose of coarse language during the course of a vicious attack Turns out pill popping Dr Brown is the same person as Pietro Bearclaw Brnwa, ex hit man, whose story is told in third person past tense First person narrator and present day Peter is in a Witness Protection Program When Peter returns to the hospital, he is recognized by a mobster who has cancer It s either his life or Peter s past and present meet up The present day lasts 8 hours, during which time Peter must Beat the Reaper Flashbacks are used to show Pietro s life with the grandparents who raised him, and to them being killed when Pietro is not quite fifteen years old Pietro, now working for the Mafia, justifies killing he is avenging the murder of his grandparents As a doctor, Peter is supposedly atoning for his previous life , but as the opening scene shows us, he s not totally over it Weaving back and forth in time, scene breaks show tiny graphics of the Reaper chasing him on foot When he falls in love at first sight the graphics change to the Reaper on a tractor Plutarch says carrying new wives across thresholds is stupid because we don t remember that it refers to the rape of the Sabine women and that s f ing Plutarch, two thousand years ago We still draw the Reaper with a scythe We should draw him driving a John Deere for Archer Daniels Midland The book is littered with these little scene breaks as well as footnotes Sometimes the footnotes are informative sometimes the author is just checking to see that you re awake, if you re paying attention or simply,Like you care what this means The narrative also continues to be riddled with profanity brutal acts scenes that are grisly enough to make one wince and others that make it difficult to suspend belief One sex scene was particularly improbable One minute I m rolling my eyes, and the next, actually laughing out loud It is action packed, but I found the book easy to put down Nor is it great literature Here are a few of thenoteworthy linesBut the hounds don t shun the fox for being mangy The mob theory was all I had to go on, so I chased it Ah, youth It s like heroin you ve smoked instead of snorted Gone so fast you can t believe you still have to pay for it It worried me Skinflick was as immune to shame as anyone I knew, but even he had his limits And the journey from shame to resentment is the shortest one there isOf course, Bazell is not pretending to offer good literature Rather, what he gives the reader is a well plotted story strewn throughout with bizarre ideas that a one legged girl might find a dance partner down at the hop is the kind of macabre humour we hear through Dr Brown So, if you enjoy this sort of madcap action thriller type of book, pick it up As for me, I thought brain candy was something light and fluffy cotton candy for the mind With Beat the Reaper I felt like I got black licorice